Today we’re moving on to the third and penultimate part in our series on platonic relationships: writing siblings. If you’re new here, fear not! Links to the rest of the series are down here:
OTHER PARTS OF THIS SERIES:
Platonic Relationships #1: Mentors
Platonic Relationships #2: Parents
Platonic Relationships #4: Friends
We’ll be talking about the complexities of the sibling relationship, plus a couple of possible conversations siblings may have.
SIBLING TO SIBLING
The sibling relationship is a complicated one. It’s often portrayed way too sugarcoated in a lot of books and movies, but it can also be shown the opposite way. Both sides of the spectrum might not be so realistic.
Siblings are hard to write if you don’t have them, because it’s just a relationship that can’t be compared to the relationships you may have with your friends or parents. With close siblings, you grow up with them, mess around together, stand up for each other. It’s like you love each other but simultaneously dislike them.
And if anyone can bully your sibling, it’s you. Only you. You will fight anyone else who dares to bully your sibling.
Sibling loyalty
In general, siblings are incredibly loyal to each other – but only when it actually matters. In a game or a competition, they’ll have no issue with getting you out of the way so they can win. Or if you and your sibling get in trouble with your parents, they’ll let you take all the blame so they can get off easy.
But if it’s something a little more serious – let’s say you want to do something scary that could land you in deep trouble – they’re likely to stick with you for emotional support and general egging on. And if you get seriously hurt in some way, they’ll be right there for you.
And there are exceptions, of course. Siblings who are very close to each other can grow up as best friends and rarely get into fights.
Sibling interaction
Not all siblings are close, but the ones that are know that they have a mutual affection for one another, even if they don’t show it. It’s definitely realistic for siblings to make fun of and call each other names when they’re close.
Yet almost in contradiction to that, siblings can be really awkward with each other. If Mom makes them apologize to you for something they did, it’s going to be hard for them and for you.
With older siblings, there are rarely ever any I love you cards being given or things that state outright how much they love you (it’s different with younger siblings). Again, it does happen, but in general you don’t see that happening very much.
Affectionate nicknames are also likely to be something you hate being called but let them call you anyway… when you’re being nice.
SIBLING GREETINGS
When two siblings (let’s say a brother and a sister) walk past each other, this is likely not to happen:
Brother: Hey little sis, how’s it going?
Sister: All good, [insert brother’s name]!
These are more likely scenarios:
Brother: What’s up, [insert annoying nickname]?
Sister: The sky. Didn’t you already know that?
Brother: Hi.
Sister: Hi.
And if they’re especially close:
Brother: [Insert sister’s name]! I haven’t seen you all day!
Sister: Oh, hey!
Or, even better, for siblings still living together:
They walk past each other without saying anything at all.
Sibling rivalry
Ah, yes. The sibling rivalry. Whether or not the siblings in your WiP are close, this is bound to come up more than once in their time spent with each other. If you’ve grown up with more than one sibling, then the concept of taking sides is probably going to be familiar with you, as well as the “[insert person] is my favorite brother/sister!” claims. If not, then you might be familiar with the “I hate all of you! Life isn’t fair!”
Siblings fight. A lot, sometimes. And like it or not, they fight over a bunch of petty things – who gets the last cookie, who gets to sit in the front, whether that shirt is blue or green. Each person is going to think that they’re right, which leads to the:
“No, you’re not!”
“Yes, I am!”
“No!”
“Yes!”
“No!”
You get the idea. Oftentimes, if no one backs down, these fights can only be broken up by a parent or parent-like character – otherwise it’s usually up to the more responsible sibling to stop arguing (i.e. not say anything and save the argument for later when they can prove their sibling wrong).
Trivial arguments aside, it’s also possible for the rivalry to go deeper. This could be due to factors that hurt them badly, like a parent’s favoritism towards one child, their siblings always acting against them, or when a sibling who only acts nice towards adults doesn’t get in trouble. If deeper problems like these continue to simmer and build up, the dislike for a particular sibling could very well grow to become hate.
Older siblings vs. younger siblings
Being the oldest child in my family, I really only have a one-sided experience in this field, but I’ll give it my best shot.
OLDER SIBLINGS
In my experience, as well as from observing others around me, I find that many times older siblings can act like the parent character for their younger siblings, protecting them, playing with them, and making sure they don’t get into too much trouble. This tends to happen more often when there’s a bigger age gap between the older sibling and the younger sibling(s).
However, as expected, that’s not true for all older siblings. Siblings are real people, so they’re all different in their own way – meaning that the way they act is going to be very different to the way someone else their age may act.
When the age gap between siblings is closer, oftentimes they’ll form a more friendship-like bond rather than a reflection of a parent/child relationship. How this friendship is expressed varies widely between siblings and is often based on how their personalities work together.
YOUNGER SIBLINGS
As someone who has had absolutely no firsthand experience being a younger sibling, I can’t guarantee that what I write is completely reliable, but I have based it off people I know as well as my interactions with my older cousins.
Younger siblings can feel like they have to live up to their older siblings, especially if the older sibling has a good reputation. Except, siblings can be wildly different, so this may not work for the younger sibling. If the age gap is larger, the younger sibling can look up to the older sibling as a role model, too.
It’s also possible that the younger sibling is more mature/responsible than the older sibling. You may not see it much, but it does happen.
SIBLINGS IN THE MIDDLE
Nope, I haven’t forgotten about the middle child. Although sometimes forgotten, siblings who aren’t the oldest or the youngest are special in the sense that they bond easily with both older and younger siblings.
The middle child may struggle in the sense that the older child achieves much while the youngest child receives all the attention. But with good parental figures, all children should have the same amount of attention. Although this is a stereotype, you can play around with this idea to create conflict between siblings.
How can I write sibling relationships better?
If you want to know how to write sibling relationships better and more realistically, observe what’s going on around you. Take note of how you and your siblings act around each other, if applicable. If not, watch how your friends and their siblings interact, or even just people on the street.
And if possible, get some friends with siblings to read your writing and ask them to check if how you’ve written siblings is relatively accurate to how they interact with their siblings. Not all siblings treat each other the same way, so don’t just get one opinion. Use what you’ve observed and learned with other peoples’ expertise, and you should be well on your way to writing realistic sibling relationships!
That’s as many basics as I could pack in!
All right! I hope you enjoyed reading about sibling relationships and have hopefully learned something about writing them XD
So tell me, do you have siblings? If so, how many? Are you the oldest, the youngest, or somewhere in the middle? And if you have sibling characters in your work in progress, tell me about them in the comments below!
(Also, how many times have I said the word ‘sibling’ or ‘siblings’ in this post?)
And thanks to the wonderful Maria for letting me talk to her about being a middle child!
All the best,
